托福写作30分的文章长什么样?官方范文来了!
来源:       2022-4-24      阅读量: 35 次

接触过托福的同学们都知道写作部分一定要多多重视,主要是写作属于输出项目,很多同学们都会遇到没有足够内容写,写作思路不够的情况。所以对于不少托福新手来说,写作想拿到30分满分的确是一项挑战。

那么满分作文到底长什么样子呢?自己和满分作文之间的差距又是什么呢?在最新版《托福官方指南第六版》中,给出了的全新例题和参考范文。沈朗小编为同学们整理了被ETS官方评为High-Level的独立写作范文,让我们一起学习一下优秀范文~

独立写作题目:
Do you agree or disagree with the followin statement?
Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends.

High-Level Response:
In my opinion, students are more influenced by their friends rather than their teachers. Therefore, I disagree with the statement "Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends."

I do not disagree with the fact that students get influenced by their teachers, however, I believe that this "influence" is mostly within the field of academics. In most cases, the only time that students communicate with the teacher is in the school building, in the classroom. Most of the discussions are about topics related to studies. However, with friends, students often tend to discuss a variety of topics, such as studies, friends, relationships, and families. Therefore, students are generally influenced more broadly by their friends, while the only influence made by the teachers are mostly academical.

The amount of time spent with the teacher or friend, also effect on how much influence has been made to a person. As mentioned previously, the time that students communicate with the teachers is restricted to school hours. However, students spend or communicate with their friends not only in school but even outside the school campus and school hours. Especially with the emerging technology, and the development of mobile phones and the internet, students are now able to communicate with their friends at any time where ever they are. Since the amount of time spent communicating with their friends are much larger than the time spent with the teachers, there are more chance of the students being influenced by their friends rather than their teachers.

Also, it is normal that the students feel psychologically more attached to the people in their age group, especially with their friends. The teachers are usually from different generations from the students and this may cause the students to feel that there is a distance between how they think/feel and how the teachers think/feel. Since the students are more emotionally and psychologically attached to their friends, they feel more comfortable to discuss their issues with them and accept their responses more openly and easily. This fact relates directly to how much they are influenced by their friends.

For these reasons, I believe that students are more influenced by their friends than by their teachers.

在这篇参考范文的前面,标注了这篇文章属于High-Level Response. 而根据官方文件,High Level对应具体分数的范围是(25-30分)。

官方评语:

“This essay earns a high score. It does an excellent job in terms of topic development and organization.”  这篇文章得了高分,它在文段展开和结构方面做的非常优秀。

具体分析:

这道题是一个包含对比的现象题型。文章是典型的5段式,开头段+主体段*3+结尾段。作者找了3个对比点,从“影响的领域”“在一起的时间” 和“心理倾向”,在每一段就进行了"老师"和"朋友"的对比。 每个主体段都用到了不同的逻辑展开的方式。

一.  开头段:
In my opinion, students are more influenced by their friends rather than their teachers. Therefore, I disagree with the statement 'Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends'.

很简单,很直接地陈述作者自己的观点。并不影响得分。为写开头段苦恼的同学,完全可以模仿这种写法。

二.  主体段①:让步反段
I do not disagree with the fact that students get influenced by their teachers, however, I believe that this "influence" is mostly within the field of academics. I do not disagree with the fact that students get influenced by their teachers, however, I believe that this "influence" is mostly within the field of academics.

先承认,学生确实会被老师影响。但是,主要是在”academics“ 学术领域。简单展开后,和朋友对比。在此之外,学生们更愿意跟朋友谈论更多样的话题。 

三.  主体段②:列举
The amount of time spent with the teacher or friend, also effect on how much influence has been made to a person.... However, students spend or communicate with their friends not only in school but even outside the school campus and school hours.

第2个比较点,学生跟老师交流的时间有限。但是跟朋友们不仅在校内,也会在校外交流。 

四.  主体段③:对比
Also, it is normal that the students feel psychologically more attached to the people in their age group, especially with their friends....

第3个对比点,因为年龄的差距,跟老师有代沟"there is a distance.."。但是跟朋友,就没有这样的差距,所以学生在心里上就更愿意跟朋友讨论。 

四.  结尾段
For these reasons, I believe that students are more influenced by their friends than by their teachers.

反观托福独立写作的评分标准,一共有3个要点:
1. Development
2. Organization
3. Language use

看上去这三个标准好像没有任何的操作性,但是,上面的三个标准就是:有展开、有逻辑、少犯错。

从这篇High-Level的独立写作范文来看,单纯套用模板背例子,在托福写作中是行不通的,真正行得通的,是文章逻辑完整,有理有据地让考官看懂你的观点。

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